Well, it's been 6 weeks since my last entry when we were eagerly awaiting the arrival of the 4th member of our family to celebrate Christmas. Sadly, later the very same day of that last entry, I received an email...yes, an email...ending my relationship of 9-1/2 years with the guy with whom I fully expected to be spending the rest of my life. I guess in our technological world, I shouldn't expect anything but an electronic break up but somehow, I would have thought that I would deserve more than that.
Life had been going on in the last 6 weeks but I've been in a daze and blur mostly trying to make sense of a relationship that's just over with one little cowardly email. I just can't seem to wrap around treating someone you at least professed to love that way. I wouldn't do it and I'm still, quite frankly, in shock that it was done to me by a person who I truly believed to have a lot of integrity.
It's hard to undo almost a decade of togetherness. At least it is for me. And, on top of trying to make sense of it myself, Megan is struggling so hard trying to figure out what happened to her buddy. She still loves him so much and can't quite wrap around that he's no longer part of our lives. Heck, truth be known, I still love him. How does that just turn off?
Even with the anger I feel over the way the whole thing was handled, I still can't get past the love I feel for the guy. Time will change that, I'm sure, but for right now, I feel so sad. I lost my friend. I lost my companion. I lost my love. I miss having someone in my life who knows me as well as he knew me and with whom I could talk about anything. Discussing life's little happenings and getting his perspective on them was always a great part of my day.
Now I have to start over again. And, honestly, I don't have the energy. My friends tell me it's for the best and I deserve better but I don't want better. Not yet anyway. I suppose I'll get to point, sometime, when it won't feel so very overwhelming to start anew learning to know someone inside and out and allowing him to know me the same way. Right now, I'm just gonna be me and try to be the mom my girls need in the wake of yet another rejection.
We'll make it. We're strong. And, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right? So, the stress in my life now is just making me stronger for tomorrow. I hope.
Here's hoping the rest of you are enjoying a truly stress-free day.
2 comments:
I didn't know you had a blog Lisa! I'm so glad I found it and that we can now "follow" each other here. You are truly amazing and yes, life will go on and get better for you!! I don't doubt that he will realize what a mess he made of things...eventually. But regardless of that you will move on and be happy again...you have your priorities straight and a loving, fighting spirit that will serve you well and bring you all the things your heart desires. Be patient with yourself. Love ya lots :)
Lisa, I haven't seen you in so long, and I had no idea! I pray that you and the girls are doing well.
Post a Comment